Oof

October 1, 2006 at 4:29 pm (Drama, MFA)

That’s really all I can say right now. I have a stack of papers to grade, stories to finish, and feel like complete and total ass right now. Last night was the annual department party. I pre-partied, I partied, I post-partied.

I watched a first-year’s life fall apart in a dive bar (a bit, at least) as he caught his girlfriend making out with someone else.

I watched several of my classmates toe the line of drunk-and-cuddly to “wait, isn’t he engaged?”

I talked a lot of shit. I got to know one of my classmates a little better as we pointed at people around the bar and said whether we’d hypothetically sleep with them if sober, if drunk, or not at all. That was pretty fun.

Most of all I missed The Boyfriend. I wanted him there to make snarky comments with and to make out with in dark corners drunkenly (because really, sometimes that’s just good fun), and realized how much I just want things to go back to some semblance of normal life.

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What I Could Not Say Was This

September 29, 2006 at 4:15 pm (MFA, Writing)

I started a new story yesterday–the most I’ve written in a while.  Parts of it have been things I had been holding on to for a long time.  I finally felt free to fictionalize it, which is something I often have problems with.  (More on my fear of fiction at a later time.)  But what really spurred me on was the second reading on Wednesday.

Alums of the program came back to read their work.  One, whom I know, said that one of our profs said that the unwritten first line of every story should be “And what I could not say was this.” 

And I thought: yes, there it is.

I banged out three single-spaced pages.  I stopped trying to write linearly and started thinking of characters.  I have a scene that I am super-excited about (actually, two)!  I rarely feel this happy about new stuff.

And, to the prof, I would give you credit but that might give my identity away.  But I still adore you, and will give you all the credit one day.

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Readings

September 27, 2006 at 6:35 pm (MFA)

My MFA program inaugurated a lunchtime reading series today.  Afterwards, I told the director I wanted to sign up.  Apparently I have to wait until the spring.  I feel like I should have priority since I have to read in the spring anyways for the graduating students’ event, but whatever.  I need to do this to prove something to myself.

I think it’s absolutely bizarre that in the past three years there has been no student reading series beyond the end-of-year graduating students’ reading.  It’s good practice, allows fellow MFA-ers who are not in your specific workshops to hear your work, as well as profs, other students and generally interested parties to hear your work.  It takes you out of the bubble.

The really weird thing is that I hate reading my work aloud.  I’ll talk a blue streak in class but reading my work aloud, even in class, makes me stutter, makes my hands quiver, and often makes me nauseated or culminates in a prayer to the porcelain god.

It doesn’t matter what I’m reading, how much I love it, how much the audience loves or hates me–I can feel the muscles in my neck begin to spasm just thinking about it.

But damn, it’s a good motivator to get writing.

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